• Teri

Urgent! Disowned by My Family

Well it happened. My family has sent me my walking papers after I live Facebooked a recent trip to the bathroom. I realized my faux pax as I sat on the toilet about to take care of what should be personal business. I looked down at my phone and to my horror I saw "live" It was at this point that the room went dark and started to spin. I was able to hit stop or something to that effect and delete the video. I noticed that one gentleman from church had viewed my live feed. When I saw that a fellow attendee of my church viewed my delicate situation, cold panic hit as I was still on the throne and unable to move due to temporary paralysis in my legs. Seconds later I get an instant message from my friend letting me know that I did a live video while on the pot...she's laughing hysterically as I die a little or maybe a lot inside. I grilled her on specifics of said video, I blurted a naughty word that rhymes with lit, which is how I wish I could deal with the horror of this day. I asked her if it was a long video. She said no, but I should check my page and delete it. As my paralysis was still in full effect I did so immediately and I saw no evidence of my peep show on my page. My friend related to me how her daughter had once live video'd her changing. Oh how we love our children. I had to know every detail so I could answer the FCC complaint for spreading disgusting images over the internet. She told me that she may have been the only one to view the video but I knew the truth. Others saw it. She told me it ended fast, it was me walking to the bathroom, setting my phone down, then watching me pick up my phone, a quick view of my undies and then the shower curtain before it stopped. "My what?" "My undies?" "My undies?" Oh sweet Jesus why? Why me? I guess this is the time to tell you that I'm the Women's Ministry leader at church! Death cannot come too swiftly or too quickly. Do you know just how quickly the next Sunday will roll around? I hope to get a case of the Black Plague, rabies, or Ebola so I can stay home for a month or so. By now you know I couldn't leave it alone and had to make sure that skin never went over the world wide web and I'm happy to report that the skin did not make an appearance in my live video debut. So, now that I'm a mom with no family, let me ask. Are you looking to adopt a socially awkward middle aged mother? "Sugar baby" situation preferable, "Splenda," "Sweet n Low," "Equal" also acceptable, times are hard.

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